Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were blessed enough to celebrate a special milestone in our relationship. The replies to my Instagram Story, in which I shared two photos of us for the first time, were so warming—and also hilarious because we’ve been keeping everything largely off socials and some people were waiting for “the reveal” 😂. Thank you to everyone for the kind anniversary messages.
To celebrate, I wanted to share six things I’ve learnt in this season and would say to myself back when I was really struggling with my singleness. You guys know I’m not an expert 😂, and having been single until 21, I’m certainly more accustomed to that season than this one! But I have definitely learnt a few things I’d love to share with you. I pray they bless you.
1. Rest in the knowledge that God is creative. (Let Him write your love story).
Your partner might arrive when you least expect it. When mine arrived, I was at a place where I knew there was nothing I needed for life that a man could give me that I couldn’t receive from God, my Mum or my girls. As such, I wasn’t expecting to meet someone special when I did. But over time it all made sense: God often brings a blessing when you least expect it—and, crucially, when you’re not searching for it. Be encouraged to rest in the knowledge that God is perfectly capable of bringing you someone special when the time is right. Be well-positioned, by all means, but please don’t strive or search so much that you’re no longer at rest or trusting Him.
2. Keep your faith up. God can do exceedingly above all you ask or think.
If you’re single and waiting, please know that God is the ultimate personalised-gift-maker. He knows you so intimately (Psalm 139) and is more than capable of bringing someone into your life who complements you. Don’t get caught in the trap of limiting Him because of your doubts, and please do not settle. I encourage you to pray and really open up to Him about your desires and what you would like in a partner, like I did. Importantly, have faith when you pray. He loves you. He cares, and He hears.
3. God is kind.
He doesn’t dangle carrots on sticks or play with our hearts—though, as Christians, the enemy would certainly like us to believe he does. Instead, sometimes God is waiting for you to be ready, for your partner to be ready, and for the season to be optimal in order that He might bring you both together. As I’ve said before, blessings out of season can be dangerous. It’s unlikely God will bring you a mate who is neither ready nor able to love you healthily. If you feel like you are ready, it may just be that your future partner is not—so why not pray for him/her from now? Your future partner is likely alive and breathing, right now as you read this—somewhere on this planet, and likely struggling with something. Pray for them.
4. When a guy is serious about you, he’ll make it clear!
No mixed messages. No blowing hot and cold. Please stop making excuses for whoever is playing with your emotions — through neglect, apathy, passivity, mixed signals or just making you feel small. A guy who wants to pursue you will do just that. It’s healthy when you are receiving what you are giving. Know your worth and be happy to walk away when you’re not being treated according to the worth God says you hold. There are men out there who will make their intentions clear; who will respect you (your time and emotional energy) enough to communicate clearly and early.
5. Pursue Peace.
I’ve found there is an ease to things when God is in them. It’s an ease beyond your control. That’s not to say things will always be easy—there will be ups, downs and learning curves. But it means nothing in the process is rushed or forced, and that each movement and change and transition is characterised by, and lubricated with, that peace of the Holy Spirit which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-8). Peace is a fruit of the Spirit. Follow where it leads you.
6. Finally, learn to recognise God’s appearance and His voice.
The last part of this is so important: it is vital to learn to recognise both God’s voice and His appearance. Only by knowing His appearance (character, fruits, nature) through studying His word will you be able to recognise His likeness in the potential man in your life. Meanwhile, being able to recognise God’s voice in your single season will enable you to discern His direction and the seasons of your relationship. One of the things I love most about my partner is how gentle he is—gentleness permeates everything from the way he speaks to how he handles my feelings. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit, and I was only able to recognise it in him because I’d already experienced the gentleness of God.
I hope these have helped! As I said before, I’m no expert. I’m taking my time to really experience and learn and digest the process before I give advice. But I do hope that this has blessed someone. More on surviving singleness here and here.
Have a lovely Easter, and I’ll catch you in May (when I’ll be done with finals and freeeee!)
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